Lets Reminisce About Havasu

Day 1:

Ahhh, Lake Havasu, Arizona. There is always so much to say and do in a wonderful environment full of alcohol, sun, and blatant sexuality. After a 4 hour drive, my friend Cheese, his mother, father, brother and I arrived in Lake Havasu and immediately took a trip to the grocery store to stock up on the Havasu essentials. Cheese and I entered the market with a mission. Upon stepping foot in this wonderful store we were like heat seeking missiles looking for a target to destroy. In this case the target was the alcohol and lots of it. After the 4 hour car ride sitting in the middle of 2 guys with no piss break the sight of the alcohol isle almost brought me to tears. The wonderful colors on the boxes of beer and the shades of brown in the whiskey bottles was enough for me to appreciate such a long car ride. I had found my happy place.

We proceeded to load our cart like zombies. There was no talking or consulting about quantity or type of alcohol. We were in the zone, find the alcohol, pick it up, put it in the cart and repeat. After we had loaded our cart we took a step back and surveyed our work. The cart was full with three 30 packs of Bud, 1 handle of Jack, 1 handle of Southern Comfort, 1 handle of vodka and 1 handle of Bacardi. We made eye contact and then without words gave each other a nod of approval as if to say that this cart would be enough alcohol for two amorous 21 year old boys for four days of drinking and bad decision making in a place that is separated from the civilized world. With that we were off to drop the cart off with his parents and wait outside so we would not have to pay for our entry level course in alcoholism. In turn we agreed that if his parents bought the alcohol then we were able to blame any acts of inebriation on their frivolous purchase on the first day of our trip. This would turn out to be the best decision of the entire trip.

After getting back to the house that Cheese’s parents had rented we proceeded to start drinking. We shut off our cell phones and dug into the beer like it was a Cracker Jack box and consuming all the beer would somehow lead to a prize inside the box. About 2/3 into the first 30 pack we decided to pull out some chips and cards and play some poker outside. We drank and played poker for the next few hours as the parents started winding down for bed. After taking $40 from Cheese I decided it would be a good idea to go to sleep to save up energy for the day at the sand bar that was to follow. We crawled into our bunk beds and passed out for the night without anything eventful happening.

Day 2, Part 1:

“Good morning boys! Time to get up! Breakfast is bagels and bloody mary’s in the kitchen.” Cheese’s mother always had a knack for waking up and starting the debauchery as early as the sun would let her. I rolled over and caught a glimpse of the clock, 9:00am, awesome time to drink. Normally I wait for morning wood to settle down before hopping out of bed but not here, not now. I was in Havasu and I was going to get as much done as possible. I got out of bed and put on my board shorts and headed into the kitchen morning wood and all.

To my surprise there had been new arrivals over night when I had been in bed. Cheese’s two cousins and his parents friends (Kris and Mike) were all enjoying this breakfast fit for a king when I walked in. All eyes glanced at me and then shot down to my board shorts.

“Good morning!” I said as happy and cheerful as I was. I was about to drink, this was no time to start to get embarrassed. I looked down at my now depleting morning wood and then back at the kitchen crew. “You think I’m gunna let a little morning wood stop me from coming in here to hang out with you people? I’m ready for my bagel and bloody mary!”

This was enough of an explanation for the bagel eaters as they all went back to eating and I made my bagel and had Cheese’s mom make my bloody mary. Normally I would make my own drink but let me tell you something about Cheese’s mother. She has been drinking since before I was born and knows that magical combination of alcohol and mixers to make your drink strong enough to have you knocked out by the end of the night and delicious enough so you don’t care.

After 3 bloody mary's it was time to load up the trucks and head off to the sand bar. We stocked the trucks with coolers of beer, bottles of liquor and sandwiches with the crust cut off that Cheese’s mother had made before she so gallantly woke us up. We stopped by the storage unit and picked up the boat and it was off to launch it into the lake.

We were at the lake and launching by 11:00am. We hopped in the boat and started drinking. Cheese and I started matching beer bongs and shots which I lost count of after number two. When drinking I don’t like to count how many drinks I have because it just lets you know how many you are behind. We were feeling pretty good as we rode in the back of the boat with Cheese’s dad driving to the sand bar. Cheese’s father was blasting “Fuck the Pain Away” by peaches all while rubbing his nipples. He was putting on a show for all passer bys that that would pay attention to us and Cheese’s dad’s poor taste in music. We didn’t care; we were drinking in the sun and knew that a plethora of half naked girls awaited us at the infamous sand bar.

We pulled up to the sand bar and found a welcoming place to drop anchor just a stone’s throw away from the central party location. We parked the boat, made some drinks and hopped off the boat to explore what the sand bar had to offer. Once getting into the water I looked to my left to see a guy sitting on the back of his boat. This is a normal occurrence at the sand bar but I haven’t finished with this one yet. This guy was sitting on the back of his boat while a female was standing in the water in front of him bobbing on his knob like there was a dick sucking competition and she was teaching technique to take first place. This was done so nonchalantly that no one seemed to notice what was going on. After seeing this blatant public display of foreplay I knew the sand bar was going to be a great place to make some bad decisions.

Cheese and I started walking the sand bar, beers in hand, observing the environment. We walked up to a group of people crowded around a boat that was blasting some loud rap music. Upon closer inspection walking up to the boat we saw what the commotion was. There were 2 blonde girls in thongs and pasties. For those of you who don’t know what pasties are then let me explain. Pasties are basically colored pieces of tape in the shape of a heart or star or whatever you decide on for that day. You then take these thin adhesive patches and place then over a girl’s nipples. Girls walk around the sand bar in these pasties as if they were t-shirts. This was my Disneyland now all I needed to do was to find the ride that I wanted to go on.

These 2 girls in thongs and pasties were dancing with each other on top of the boat. By dancing I mean grinding their pink tacos on every part of each other’s body. This is what drew the crowd. This is what so many people were interested in. 2 girls dancing like that isn’t a new thing for me to see. I was about to walk away when I saw the real reason everyone was watching these girls. What looked like the older of the 2 girls laid down on her back and the younger girl positioned herself in between the older one’s legs. I know what you’re thinking right now and I was thinking the same thing. “This can’t be happening, this is probably just another slutty dance move” Nope, I was wrong, with her right index finger she moved the thong out of the way and proceeded to stick her finger in the older girl’s vaginal orifice. She then lowered her head and proceeded to orally stimulate her older counterpart. This was not an abnormal occurrence at the sand bar but by all means this was better than pay per view. We watched the sex act continue until the 2 girls seemed to get tired and get down from the top of the boat to relax in the cab and drink more. Cheers filled the air and the girls were living their 15 seconds of fame at the sand bar.

Cheese and I decided it was time for some refills and headed back to our boat to mix a drink. 4 parts vodka 1 part cranberry is what we decided on. We were at the river and we were going to waste no time nursing beers when we had massive amounts of alcohol to consume. We made our drinks and headed out to explore more of this wonderful place. When walking back to the action at the sand bar we saw one of the girls from the earlier performance. We walked up to her and started talking to her;

Mason: HEY! Great show earlier, you must be tired, why don’t you have a drink?

Blonde: (In a drunk mumble) OMG?!?! You saw that? I’m looking for my sister have you seen her?

Cheese: Your sister? We never met your sister; we don’t know what she looks like.

Blonde: Yes you do, she was that girl I was dancing with on the boat

Mason: Wait a second! That was your sister?!?! Like sorority sister right? Best friend that you call your sister?

Blonde: No, that is my real sister, same mom, and same dad. I need to find her, I lost her.

Mason: So you just went down on your sister? That is fucking awesome! We’ll help you find her because I’m sure everyone that saw the show wants to see an encore performance.

Cheese and I looked at each other, looked at the girl and then we were off to walk the sand bar with our new friend to find her loving sister. Our new friend was completely wasted, could hardly walk and kept whining about her sister. I would normally ditch a chick like this but she intrigued me. This girl just tossed her sister’s salad in front of a crowd of people. She had no shame; I wondered to myself what else she would do.

We walked for 20 minutes drinking and watching people come up to our new friend to compliment her on the show she had put on with her sister. Her sister was nowhere to be found so in a drunken way only she could do she looked at Cheese and I and said, “Fuck it, we’ll find her later at the boat or something” and then sat down in the 4 inch water in the sand. She then throw out her legs, leaned back and rested on her elbows and threw back her hair. Cheese and I just stood there and looked down on her from our current standing position. I saw what she was doing, she was trying to be sexy in the sand. If she would have been able to walk or talk even halfway straight then I would think this may be halfway sexy if I didn’t just see her go down on her sister. I decided to indulge this girl so I looked at Cheese with my “Follow my lead and we’ll have some fun” smirk. He nodded and it was on.

Mason: Are you a model?

Blonde: No but I get asked that a lot

Cheese: Well look at the way you are sitting, it’s like a pose

Mason: Ya, watch, me and Cheese will drip some water on you while you put your hair back and play with your hair and when people walk by we’ll have them take pictures. It will be like a photo shoot.

Blonde: OK!

She threw her hair back and started tossing it around as Cheese and I started to gently kick water on her. I looked at Cheese and then gave him the nod and after that our gently kicking turned into a violent kicking and splashing water on this girl. It was hard for her to try to pull off a sexy look while trying to take in breaths in between buckets of water being splashed on her. She then went from trying to be sexy mode into defense mode and covered her eyes to protect herself from the water. Needless to say Cheese and I thought this was hilarious and continued splashing water on this drunk girl. She then stood up and looked at us.

Cheese: We need more drinks, I hope you find your sister

Mason: Sounds like I’m with him. Tell your sister I say hi!

She stood there dumbfounded as to what had just happened as Cheese and I walked off to get more drinks. The rest of the day at the sand bar was spent at the boat drinking and relaxing as one would do on vacation.

Day 2, part 2:

We packed everything up at the sand bar and started to head back to the rest of society. On the boat ride back I found out that Cheese’s mother had a tradition of bringing a box of wigs with her to wear on the ride through the channel. Being halfway on the road to being shitfaced I went digging through the wigs and found one that I just had to wear. It was blonde curls. Not long blond curls, this wig looked like the hair of a little English boy whose parents dressed him in short knickerbockers with suspenders and a lollipop. I put on the wig as we prepared to enter the channel. We started blasting the music and dancing like drunk idiots wearing wigs because, let’s face it, we were drunk idiots wearing wigs.

Driving through the channel was interesting due to everyone staring at us and us yelling at everyone staring at us. We were passing a small part of the channel when Cheese grabbed my arm and pointed with an excited expression he yelled, “LOOK!” There I saw something that would change the direction of our trip. A girl with the biggest natural breasts I have ever seen was flashing us. She wasn’t showing her boobs to everyone, she was pointing at our boat and showing us her enormous breasts. Thinking quickly I yelled to Cheese’s dad who was driving the boat, “PARK THERE! Next to the boat that those huge tits are on!” He looked at me and turned the boat into the empty spot.

Now when I say these were huge breasts, these were double F’s. That is FF. I didn’t know they made boobs that big or that there was a way to measure boobs that big but this girl had proved that there was a way. We parked the boat and I hopped out and walked up to the boat with Cheese.

Cheese: You have nice boobs, can I motorboat them?

Mason: That would be fucking awesome!

Juggs: Ummm, what will you give me if I let you?

Cheese: 1 beer if you let me motorboat your tits.

Juggs: 2 beers

Cheese: SOLD! (Turning back to our boat) DAD! I need to beers now!

Within a minute there were 2 beers flying through the air which Cheese and I both caught. We turned around and at the boat we approached again.

Cheese: 2 beers 1 motorboat

Juggs: Ok, hop on up.

Cheese hops up and buries his head in between her breasts while making the motorboat sound with his mouth and moving his head side to side. After seeing this I had picked the ride that I wanted to get on. Cheese backed away slowly and I approached and started talking to the Juggs. The conversation went as well as it could for 2 drunk people. I had already seen her boobs and seen my friend go diving in between them. I didn’t have much time so I told her I was a lot older than I was and that I made a lot more money than I did and that she was hanging out with me that night. (Its havasu, its not right if you don’t lie) She then agreed and we exchanged phone numbers and it was back to the boat and back to the house to get some food in my system and drink some more.

Day 2, Part 3:

After dinner I picked up my phone to see 2 missed calls from the big boobed girl from the channel. 1 message. I checked the message and it was as follows:

Juggs: Hey, its me from the channel today, I’m just calling to see what you guys are doing tonight, call me back

Needless to say I called back:

Juggs: Hello?

Mason: Hey, just got your message, what are we doing tonight?

Juggs: I don’t know there is a club in town that we can go to.

Me: We can’t go there

Juggs: You can’t go there? Are you even 21?

Mason: Of course I am, I told you that today

Juggs: Oh, then why can’t you go?

Mason: We only have 1 car here and its not mine or Cheese's

Juggs: Oh that’s no problem, we can come and pick you up. We will get you at around 930 so be ready and then we can go. I’m bringing a friend with me too

Mason: Sounds good to me, call me when you want directions and we’ll be ready

I told Cheese what was going on and we plotted the night ahead of us. 9:30 rolled around and along came Juggs with her friend. We will refer to her friend as DDD because her breasts were DDD’s. They paled in comparison to FF but by all means that girl was trying and I was going to give her that much. They picked us up and when we got in the car there was 3 14 year old kids. 2 girls and 1 boy.

Mason: I thought we were going to a club, what’s up with the babysitters club?

Juggs: Oh, we are watching them out here for the weekend, they aren’t going to come in they are gunna go run around the parking lot or something.

Mason: Ok, sounds good to me. How old are you girls anyways? You never told me.

Juggs: I’m 24 and DDD is 36

We got to the club and it was what I expected. A club in the city of Lake Havasu. A bunch of people under dressed and kids from riverside walking around everywhere. We head to the bar and start taking shots. Juggs buys the first 2 rounds and Cheese takes DDD to a table and sits down. Juggs and I hit the dance floor where we remained for the next hour. Let me explain something here. I am white which means I can not dance. I have one dance move, and that is grinding my package up against the girls ass. That is all I know and all I am willing to learn and I don’t even do that well. The only time you will ever see me on a dance floor is if I am with a girl and drunk. Both prerequisites were met here and hence that is why I made it to the dance floor

After an hour of simulated sex on the dance floor I was ready to leave. I don’t like clubs because of the over priced drinks, bitchy girls, kids throwing around their parents money, and the overall smell and sweat factor. We met up with Cheese and DDD and the girls called the young kids running around in the parking lot and we all hopped in the car and we were off to their place.

When we got back to their place we found 3 more young kids. Apparently these girls decided to bring a whole Jr. High class to Havasu with them. Nothing was going to happen at this place with all these kids running around so Cheese and I decide to drink heavily because after all it is their alcohol and that means free. We drink and mess around with the kids. After about an hour of this I was bored. I told Juggs and DDD that it was time they dropped us off. Cheese had found a friend amongst the kids. We’ll call her Youngun. She told Cheese she was 18 and that she was helping the girls look after the younger kids because she lived in the city. She rode along with DDD, Juggs, Cheese and I back to our place.

We got back and walked in careful enough to not wake up anyone sleeping. The girls were right behind us as all 5 of us walked into the room Cheese and I were sharing in this 6 bedroom house. We all cracked open some beers and started drinking. Cheese hopped into bed as Youngun sat at the edge of the bed talking with him. I saw what was going on and had to help out a friend. I grabbed DDD and Juggs and took them to the backyard. It is now about 4:30 in the morning as I sit in the backyard trying occupying these 2 girls enough so Cheese is able to throw some man mustard in this 18 year old’s hair and then we can get the girls out. After 5 minutes of talking DDD looks at me and says, “WHERE IS YOUNGUN?!?!?!”

Mason: She is in the bedroom with Cheese.

DDD: OMG! (While saying this she jumped out of the chair and opened the door to the room and yelled) Yougun if you don’t come out here right now I’m going to tell these boys how old you really are!

Cheese heard what DDD had said and stopped the hanky panky abruptly and joined us outside.

Cheese: So how old are you?

Youngun: Ummmm 18

Cheese: Why did DDD say she would say your real age?

Youngun: Ok, don’t get mad, I’m really 15

Cheese: 14!?!

Me: (uncontrollably laughing) Aww, so are you excited for high school?

Cheese: Shut up! I’m going to bed

DDD: I think this is our queue to leave

Mason: Sounds good to me, I'm going to go to bed but if you can ditch these tweens in the next couple of days then call me

Juggs: Definitely, sorry about everything

Mason: Its ok just make it up to me in the most creative way you can.

With that, I walked the girls out and got into bed alone. It was a very anti climactic ending to an eventful day. To this day I know more would have happened if Cheese hadn’t decided to hook up with a 14 year old that looked 12 but said she was 18.